If you pay for the 25 euro a night hotels, you can generally get running water (not potable, because that would be silly, no water from a tap is potable in Guinea), as well as spotty electricity from maybe 8pm-3am. If you are lucky, you have an AC unit, so these weird electricity times strangely work for you.
So upon arriving in Boké back in September 2012, I had not yet discovered the joy of a bucket flush. What is a bucket flush? When you dump a bucket of water into the toilet to advance all of the goodies you just left in there.
A note on bucket flushes – for urine, sure, fine, it never smells great in the toilet/pit/hut, but it’s passable. But for fecal matter, you are going to have quite the bucket flush situation on your hands if you don’t have a big enough bucket. If you have a big bucket, you can probably move the fecal matter along in 2 good full buckets, depending on the solidity of said fecal matter. If you are left only with a cup for “bucket flushing” fecal matter, just give up. It’s not going anywhere. It doesn’t matter if you try to bundle the load in toilet paper to create a larger mass, or if you try to break up the deposit into smaller pieces. You have to give it a go, but you will be walking out in shame.
So it’s April 2013, and I am on another mission to the interior. I spent about a week in Boké, a few days in Dalaba, and am currently in Labé. And I’ve learned some important toilet rules.
Rule 1 – If you will permit the gross generalization, developing countries are a BYOTP - bring your own toilet paper – type situation. You should not assume that hotels, gas stations, friend’s houses, offices, hospitals, or health centers have toilet paper in the restrooms. Thus, it is essential - unless you have developed the skill to remove fecal matter from your rear end and somehow become dry – to bring your own toilet paper. Ladies – 4 tissues or a small wad of toilet paper should be permanently installed in your bra. Fellas, same recommendation, but you can pee standing up so you have more flexibility on this issue.
Rule 2 – Just like your parents used to say before a road trip, if you encounter a toilet, be it squat, pit, or potty, use it, even if you feel like you don’t have to. Because let me tell you, after hours on an unpaved road from purgatory, and eating food that you found on the side of the road, you probably have some business in the pipeline. And if you play the “oh I’m sure a better toilet will come along because this one is just a hole in the ground with no door and I’m scared” game, you are silly. Which is better, the fly-infested hole in the ground, or your underpants? Riddle me that.
A note on possible places to potty – in my limited experience, if you are a female foreigner in any event, you can ask to use a toilet at a gas station or health center. Thank you international gas companies for including toilets in the building plans - that was a superb decision.
Rule 3 – Bring more toilet paper with you than you think you’ll need, because of rule 1 and 2. It is embarrassing to find yourself with diarrhea, squatting over a hole in a coworker’s house, without water or toilet paper. Shameful.
And a note of self-defense, I have always succeeded in making it to a potty in time since my arrival. But I did not always follow the rules above, and…… you should follow the rules.